Laughter is Good for the Soul

Life is not necessarily fair, as I've learned first hand on several occasions. Why did my son Tommy have to be diagnosed with Angelman Syndrome? Why did he have seizures? Why as a family did we have to be burdened with constant doctors visits, paperwork that could fill up a forest? Why did he die? These are questions that I cannot answer with certainty, as I'm just a simple guy, who's trying to make a living to support his family. Yet what I have learned is that you have to take what life throws at you, and just do the best you can.

In the past month, I've lost my competitive edge. That's not necessarily a bad thing, as getting ahead at work and life really isn't that important. Hanging on is what is, and doing the best you can is what really matters. As human beings, we have a lot of potential for decency, but sometimes we are too hard on ourselves. In the past month, there's been a lot of reflection, and I often wonder, "Did I do everything I could have?" There's no way to do just that, and there's been a lot of kicking at my soul, as I examine the past five or six years. Do I wish that I would have not been as depressed about Tommy's diagnosis when I learned he had Angelman Syndrome? Of course! Yet going through the initial sadness before accepting what we had to deal with, is part of the human spirit, that has to go through the stages of acceptance.

The same thing goes for his passing. There have been many tears, with a lot of depression and anger mixed in. Yet, when I think about Tommy laughing, or pinching his belly like I used to do, it makes me laugh. We called him "Porky", since he was such a big boy, and had a belly on him for awhile after gaining weight as a sickly newborn. I think about him looking at Christmas lights, or going to the ocean with us, and it puts a smile upon my face. Life isn't necessarily about how long you live, but how well you enjoy it. That's what it boils down to, and why in the near future, there will be some positive aspects to it once again. Its taken some time to get a sense of humor back, but last night I laughed looking at my three month old boy. He's now smiling and laughing, and while his laughter isn't going to be as beautiful as Tommy's was, it will suffice. He is going to know all about his big brother, who's certainly keeping an eye on him now.